DJing woes

Sweet

See, what everyone's missing COMPLETELY here is the unwritten rules of how to run every nightclub on Earth:

There are no "types" of nightclub. If there is a place that has a bar, and a sound system, and someone to play records, they are obliged to play Top 40 records (otherwise known as "dance music" ) and possibly the occasional power ballad.

The only exception to this rule is for nightclubs that play popular hip-hop/R+B. In this case, the DJ is obliged to play only songs currently in top rotation on local top 40 and urban radio, with the occasional "underground" remixes of said songs for variety's sake.

Any DJ caught violating these guidelines is either uninformed as to how to run a nightclub, or is simply being a total dick for his/her own ego-gratification. Symptoms of this syndrome include any and all varieties of house, trance, drum and bass, breakbeats above 110 BPM (collectively known as "techno" or "rave music" ) or reggae/dancehall not currently in radio rotation.

Any patron who finds a DJ violating these guidelines is obliged, nay, REQUIRED, to sit the DJ down, explain the rules and get the party started properly. Exemptions may be made for "techno" remixes of Top 40 songs; however, any patron wishing instead to hear the "real" version of said song may demand that the DJ stop the remixed record and play the original version in its stead.

Any patron found DANCING to music which does not fall within these guidelines is clearly on drugs, and should be removed from the venue posthaste, so as to make room on the dancefloor for those wishing to dance to "regular" music.

Your cooperation in this matter is appreciated.

Speaking of which, I will be DJing and VJing tomorrow at the Newport Film Festival afterparty.

http://www.newportbeachfilmfest.com/Email/outreach_2006/youth.htm